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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
I order all my food with extra gluten.
Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the sh!t out of them then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
No, I did not forget my password. I distinctly remember it being 8 asterisks.
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
Sometimes I feel happy, but then the Oreos run out.
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.