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If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations
Flies are everywhere, unfortunately the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.
I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
Your things are terrific.
I go out all day looking good and saw no one I know. I go out for 5 minutes looking like sh!t and it`s all of the sudden a f*cking reunion.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.