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This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
I don`t think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her
Life is too short to be kissing the wrong a$$.
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
Man:Hello doc, my wife is having a baby. Doctor:Is this the first child? Man:No, it`s the husband speaking.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.