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The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Do you think people in Mexico ever say, "Those jobs keep stealing all our Mexic?ns!"
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
Last person to like this wins a prize.
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.