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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
Not to brag, but I`m pretty good in bed. I don`t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
Think about the nicest thing anyone`s ever said about you. Not really true, right?
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
Your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole. jk
Help I`m covered in chameleons & no one believes me
The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.