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"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
Two knives taped together are not a suitable alternative to scissors.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
I really have important work to get done, but I really just want to sit here and complete a quiz on what percentage redneck I am..
Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.