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All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is, intelligent men don’t get into relationships.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
I`m so broke, if somebody tried to rob me right now, they would just be practicing.
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
I really would like to take a yoga class. But I really can`t trust my farts.
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
Time travel means never having to say you`re sorry...
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.