Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
School is like an erection. It`s long and hard unless you`re Asian.
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
If I was a mortician I`d tie the shoe laces of dead people together, so if there ever was a zombie apocalypse it would be hilarious.
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Only YOU, can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.