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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...
Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”