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Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like, hey you, I love you so much, I`m gonna get the government involved so you can`t leave.
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
It`s hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
The police never think its as funny as you do.
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don`t try to run her life and I don`t try to run mine.
I`ve just been watching a documentary on marijuana...... I think all documentaries should be watched this way.