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I have a great relationship with Alcohol..
The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
"How many people work at your company?" About half of them.
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
I hope my last words aren’t “What does this thing do?”
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
Social media is great if you like socializing without wearing pants.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.