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Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you’re seeing somebody else!” and run crying.
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
Sometimes I really think I have my life together...and then I realize my underwear is on inside-out.
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.