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it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
Only a fool trips on what`s behind him.
People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?