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People who text back... "kk" ... Are so annoying! ....and almost racist
It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
Scientists uncovered the part of the male brain responsible for pissing off women. It’s next to the part that knows how much roses cost.
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.