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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
I sometimes goto Starbucks for coffee and tell them my name is Bueller ... Then leave before my coffe is ready
Please don`t hastag out loud...
You can`t make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
The tragedy of Scooby-Doo is that whoever kept supplying criminals with such realistic prosthetic masks was never caught.
Sometimes one middle finger isn`t enough to let someone know how you feel. That`s why we have two hands.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
Better late than pregnant.
So you have 820 friends on Facebook and yet no one was around to take your picture when you decided to use the mirror for a good shot?
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.
A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."