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I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he`s solving a mystery.
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
I grew up for this?
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.
it`s friday o clock
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
If you`ve never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you`ve never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.
When I get married I plan on introducing my spouse as my ex-fiancé just to mess with people.
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.