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Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
Miley Cyrus could never live in the kind of cold we`re having here. Can you imagine all the poles her tounge would get stuck to?
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
Bars are Weird Its the only Business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their Product
( )( ) =( `-` )= <( . )> ("`)("`) bunny!!
cuss words = sentence enhancers
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit
Thanks, autocorrect. I`m sure she`s dying to know about my huge peninsula.
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.