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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
Your dating profile should be like house listings. 1. Sq. footage 2. Date built 3. # of previous owners? 4. Finished basement?
The amount of times I`ve had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
Crazy? ... My therapist does say I should quit talking to myself.
My "Do Not Disturb" facial expression is not working today.
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy. Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk.
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
I try not to limit my madness to March.