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3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
75% of my current net worth is in gift cards.
Who needs the weather network when you have Facebook.
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
If your girlfriend has $15 and you have $30, your girlfriend actually has $45.
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.