Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You seem to love cocktails... or part of it.
My nephew asked me what marriage was like. So I gave him a candy bar and told him not to eat it.
The best thing about telepathy is…I know, right?
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.