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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
You and I are just different. And by different I mean you`re stupid.
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
If you didn`t want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.
I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
Dear Vegetarians, Thanks for saving the good food for us.
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
I`m only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.