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Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
I often worry that mankind is going to start World War III soley because we enjoy trilogies.
if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It`s done, but there`s blood everywhere!"
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
My Ex updated her status to "standing on the edge of a cliff" So I "poked" her!
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work