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I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
Been there, done that. allegedly
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
True self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn.
Man:Hello doc, my wife is having a baby. Doctor:Is this the first child? Man:No, it`s the husband speaking.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong