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Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
Of course you should follow me. I’m funny. Ask anyone. Well, except my mother-in-law. Don`t ask her.
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
I hate it when I open my fridge and get punched by a bear... =/