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cable TV.... helping us avoid Presidential speeches for nearly four decades
I`m at the "what can I make with green beans and cake mix" stage of needing groceries
Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
The statement ‘Hey! Calm down!’ has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
Screw getting an alarm system. I`ve seen Home Alone, I know what to do.
Can everyone come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back & not say a word to my parents so they think I lived a cool double life.
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!