Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
I learn something new every day that I didn`t want to know.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
I havend`t heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he`s okay.
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don`t want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.