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I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
I am totally lacking the "zippity" part of my "do dah day."
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
I`m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
FYI: I`m never gonna tell the person I`m meeting up with that you said hi.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.