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I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
The lottery is over $400 million. Sorry poor kids, no dinner tonight...
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
If you were a Pokemon, I`d choose you.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
Let’s be the generation that stops putting things in our butts and having to go to the emergency room to get them taken out, shall we?
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
You can get away with farting at the zoo because you can always blame the animals...
I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can`t tell because I`m eating Doritos.