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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
My bed has no frame and sits directly on the floor because under-bed monsters are just one less thing I have to worry about now.
Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
I’ll drink responsibly when there is a brand of vodka named Responsibly.
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
Nothing`s more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in CVS was staring at me.