Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
You know you watch too much porn when you go to a hospital expecting a threesome.
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
with great power...comes great electric bill...
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
I haven`t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn`t want to interrupt her.
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
If you`re ever sad, just imagine how much worse it would be to be a tree that spent years and years growing up, only to end up as a Justin Bieber notebook