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I hate grocery shopping. That`s why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I`m getting, but it sure is faster.
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
First Ebola case in USA , and the Walking Dead starts next week... brb gonna go buy a crossbow.
It´s never to late to be happy
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!