Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I won the lottery, I could make a whole lotta people miserable
Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
I always get naked before I get in bed so I don`t know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
Your dating profile should be like house listings. 1. Sq. footage 2. Date built 3. # of previous owners? 4. Finished basement?
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
like this if you are against animal cruelty
When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you`ll meet the man of your dreams.
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
Someday, somewhere, somehow Iām going to do something.
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.