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I`ve spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.
I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
Congratulations! You’ve just read this sentence.
Is "drunk" an emotion? Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now...
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
I’m drinking like there’s snow tomorrow.
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
Every dog is a badass until you decide to vacuum.
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt
I`m a little Stressed right now ... Just turn around and leave quietly and no one gets hurt.
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.