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Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
I`m just standing here...50 yards away, waiting for the restraining order to expire.
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
If a girl picks an iron in monopoly you know she`s a keeper
I can think of other ways to eat fresh, but I`ll settle for this subway sandwich.
I know I am an acquired taste. If you don`t like me, you need to acquire some taste. Or go f*ck yourself. Whichever.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.