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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
If you go shopping at Walmart and no one stares at you as you walk by, you`re one of them.
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
The problem with plants is that you have to water them… like more than once apparently.
That awkward moment when you open a fortune cookie and all you get is some vague, cryptic statement that`s not even a fortune.
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
I finally found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
Some people are grateful for the impact you made in their life…. It’s not me, I think you’re a pr!ck.
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.