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I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
condoms prevent minivans
If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
"10 Totally Epic Reasons Why You`re Going Straight to Hell" - 2013 version of Ten Commandments
You know what`s more miraculous than a video with a million view but no dislikes on YouTube? The detention sheet empty for my class.
I inject vodka right into the orange. Screwdriver-to-go
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
Holiday Tip #236: When hosting a covered dish holiday dinner where everyone brings something, never put a skinny person in charge of desserts.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
i used to like you but thanks to facebook i now know how boring u are
One of the biggest decisions when you go to college is whether to join a fraternity or just be an asshole on your own.