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I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Always be yourself, unless you suck…and if you suck you should try being more like me.
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
Don´t call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious"
I was planning to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
I`m all for change as long as it doesn`t directly affect my routine.
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
The most frightening thing about nightmares is realizing that they were created by your mind.