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Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
I don`t need drugs to have a good time, I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure winter, fall asleep, and controll my high blood pressure
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch
My friend`s Jeep was broken into and she acted so surprised about it. Your car is held together by zippers! It`s as secure as my pants.