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Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
Sixth in line to the throne takes on a different meaning when you’re not in the royal family but in a dive bar.
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
When I say lol, I don`t literally mean I laughed out loud. What I actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nose, similar to a bull.
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
Coffee eyedrops! Another million dollar idea.