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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
The man who created the Thesaurus has died. He`ll be fondly remembered, commemorated, memorialized, recalled and recollected.
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.