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One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
My "Do Not Disturb" facial expression is not working today.
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
"That`s close enough..." ~Government worker
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.