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Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
The awkward moment when you set something down for a second and it disappears off the face of the earth.
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
Lay-Z: My rapper name.
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
It’s not drinking alone if the dogs are home, right?
You mean to tell me people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.