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i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
I was pretty sure that at this point in my career I would have henchmen by now!
Don`t exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?