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Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
Insert coin to view my status message.
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing done.
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
It seems racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
You chicks spend a lot of money on makeup to look pretty. Save your cash, buy him Alcohol.
I entered what I ate for lunch into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself.