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I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
It doesn`t matter if the shoe fits or not, I`m still shoving it up your a$$.
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
once again Tequila is the Delete History button of my brain.
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands