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If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
It took Harry Potter 7 damn long books to catch the bad guy. When it only takes Scooby-Doo 25 minutes.
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
A guy had his whole left side torn off, the doctor said he`s all right.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!