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Will be drunk until further notice.
i am not so think, as you drunk i am
Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
My pants are 75% off.
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
I can’t find the words to express how I have nothing to say
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
Beer: The WD40 for conversations.
Why do people at home on TV have their pants on?