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I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
Helpful tip #12: Never buy all the tools you need to kidnap, kill and bury someone from just one store.
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
Heat makes things expand. So I don`t have a weight problem...I`m just HOT.
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages