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Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
No one appreciates the special genius of your conversation like the dog does
There`s no easy way to tell someone you lost their kid in a high stakes game of duck duck goose.
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
This patience thing takes forever.
No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO