Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Stairs are like rock climbing after a bottle of vodka.
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
When I`m cleaning my room, 1% cleaning 29% moaning 70% playing with stuff I just found.
Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one`s gonna mistake a different turtle for you.
I feel sorry for people who take everything way too seriously.
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.