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Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
"mommy watch this!" is the toddler equivalent of "hold my beer and watch this"
How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn`t much, but the reception was excellent.
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.