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My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
The universe contains protons,neutrons,electrons and morons.
“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
Half-Drunk is a waste of money.
Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this.
You`re pretty cocky for someone with such a small ... vocabulary.
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.