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That awkward moment when there`s not a single awkward moment
Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
Tyler on Facebook says he ran 1.7 miles this morning… So based on calculations, I have 35 minutes to ransack his house tomorrow morning.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
It’s funny how “You’re so funny” turns into “You think everything’s a f*cking joke” in just 3 months…
I`m thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there`s this thing called Google now
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"