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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
I love long walks on the beach under the moonlight, poetry, candlelight dinners, and having my a$$ spanked with a fuzzy slipper.
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
I plucked my first gray hair today ... Man, that lady was upset.
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
I need a new bad decision.
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.