Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it`s like excuse me, I`m working here.
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
Who needs the weather network when you have Facebook.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
My Wife does this cute thing where she says that "actions speak louder than words" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding.
There are only 53 days until Christmas... just a heads-up in case you haven`t shopped for me yet.
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)