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Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
Saw a billboard ad for potato chips that proudly claimed "There`s a lot of pride in every bag!" Hmmm...is "pride" another word for "air"?
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
Breaking News: I took a bath today
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the f*ck down. -Bfanch