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When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
Some days are just not meant to be productive.
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.