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Jesus is coming.... look busy
I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I have to like you. Go on, I`ll wait.
The parent-teacher conference is going great. They have no idea I’m not the teacher.
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they`re stabbing it? No? How about now?
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.