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I’m crazy but not “LeBron is better than Jordan” crazy.
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
I put the pro in inappropriate.
Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn`t think she knew about.
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
My parents preferred my imaginary friend over me.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...