Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
I stamp my hand on Saturday morning so it looks like I went out on Friday night.
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
That awkward moment when you imagine your own funeral...
Dear piece of paper that wont go in the dust pan ... f*ck you!
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
"Don`t try this at home"...Okay, i`ll try it at my friend`s house..
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.
Next time I`m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I`m going to turn around and say, "I`m sure you`re wondering why I`ve gathered you all here."
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode