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Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
What idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
CANT TOUCH THIS!! Na na na na.
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw