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My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
I’m not going bald. I’m getting more head.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don`t make the rules people.
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!