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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
Trust me, I am a liar.
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.
I need to put someone on my weekend to-do list