Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
There’s a very short list of things you can have in your hand while running without looking crazy.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
Cops love donuts…. just not when you do them on a four lane highway.
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
I try not to brag but I`m really quite good at Yoga. I`m not flexible or anything but I am a master of that "Empty Your Mind" part
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk