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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and ten million dollars.
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
Facebook should win an Emmy for Best Daytime Dramas.
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
Call me a hoarder if you want but don`t come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.