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I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
Can someone else be a sex symbol today? ... My good T-shirt is still in the wash...
If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
My face is a 4, my personality is a 6, so basically, I`m a 10.
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I remind myself that you cant always trust Google maps
I`d watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness....NO WE WON`T!!
The worst thing about finding out Santa isn`t real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, you know you have small boobs
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.