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It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
"You`re better than that" is almost never true
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
Facebook needs a "settle down" button.. You tap on a friend`s profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately..
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.