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Receptionist: "The doctor will see you now." Invisible Man: "Finally, a cure!"
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
I totally tricked this woman into sleeping with me. All I had to do was put a ring on her finger and live with her for the rest of my life.
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri tells you "after 400 feet stop and let me out"
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
All women have an hour glass figure – it’s just that they all tote around different amounts of sand.